here is a list of things that makes me sick

my cells

my self

this light

this life

these antibodies

this anti body

not nobody

knowing

anybody

here is a list of things that reminds me of sickness

my bed

my head

my mother

my lover

creaky doors

before

I forget them all

here is a list of ways to love me

in sickness

in health

as a witness

as a well

being here

taking care

carefully

here is a list of things that make me sick

my cells

my self

this light

this life

these antibodies

this anti body

not nobody

knowing

anybody

here is a list of things that remind me of sickness

my head

my mother

my lover

creaky doors

before

I forget them all

are there ways I can hold you? let you heal?

what if i looked

at you existing

knowing that I am like headlights in fog

you are like a thousand tiny windows of light

you are a pack of wolves and a

treefull of butterflies

like you are a mountainside of moss and saplings

where do you feel joy and calm? 

  in your feet? 

   in the way wind curls around you?

  in the hair that flows from you, already dead? 

   in the feeling of running uphill?

  in your nose? 

   in the feeling of exhale?

  in your eyes and ears? 

   in the feeling of dancing?

  in your lungs? 

   in the feeling of inhale? 

  in your fingertips?

   in the feeling of fucking?

with feeling

with fortune

with healing

with torture

how do you want to be fucked?

how do you want to be loved?

here is a list of ways to love me

in sickness

in health

as a witness

as a well

being here

carefully